Foxaka

It makes me so sad knowing that you contacted someone in November.. I wish I could speak to you 

Shits getting bad again lol

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9msnv8…
reminded me of you..

I'm getting bad again...
I think of you all the time and see you in my dreams.
Are you making sure I'm okay?

I didn't stop in before Christmas.. how odd .. it feels so off. Merry Christmas Marissa! I love you always, I hope you're doing well and things are moving forward for you! Also HAPPY NEW YEAR! A new year means new adventure, new laughs and new friends. I hope good fortune comes to you this year. Also happy two year anniversary 12/21/13, things haven't been the same, but I'm learning. I love you always. You'll always be my best friend.

It's been a while, how are you? Did you finish high school? Did you straighten out those things that were bad and lead your own path like you deserved? Have you learned how to drive? Remember when we laughed about how one time on my driving test it asked me what to do at a red light and we picked wave at the pedestrians? I miss those times. It's getting close to another year passing and so many people think by 3 years passing, I should be over it. I'm not. It still hurts and I still lay in the darkness in my room wondering what became of you. I hope you got better, you were so beautiful inside and out.. I'm sorry I refer to you with "were", it's just, almost like you're dead and I think that's how I cope with missing you? It just makes it easier on my head if I think you died and didn't intentionally leave me. It's weird, it almost makes it more numb, than hurting? I don't know how to explain it. My best friend, Kirsten, she's getting married.. I wish you were here to meet her. She's amazing, she's been through so much.. just like me. She gets me and it's so nice to feel like someone knows me again. She makes the days easier, so does Andy. We all avoid you as a topic, because I usually wind up here, wondering what if?

I have to stop doing this Marissa. I have to grow and move on and feel okay. But I don't think I can. You were one of my soul mates and it's hard to let go of those emotions. I'm so mad that you left me here, it's so unfair. I hate it. But I also thank you for teaching me so much; I would have never reached out to Kirsten if it weren't for you. You taught me to be kind to people around me and take notice if someone needs me. I'm glad I met her. I am. I think she's the real part of my soul. You were a soul mate, but you lost the honours of that. She took that title not just because she's here, but because she was twice the person you'll ever be. I'm sad that she is, because you were amazing, but she's so much more. So I'm going to work with her to get better. I'll check in soon, just needed to get this off my chest.

I love you, always.